I felt as if I was carrying the whole house on top of my shoulders. The yoke was heavy. The moment came when I needed to choose "Life or death."
This time, I chose "Life!"
God called us to go to a bible college in Columbus, Ohio. Both of us were accepted, but did not have the money for our tuition. One day, the church in Ohio had a picnic. While my family was enjoying the picnic, I walked to the back of the building and began to pray. I was begging God for the money, when suddenly a crazy driven car parked right in front of me. A lady came out of it and asked me, “Excuse me, what are you crying for?” “I’m not crying, I’m praying.” I responded. She continued, “What are you praying for?”
I told her our story how God sent us to the Bible College and we were believing for our tuition money. She gave me her business card, wrote down my name and phone number, and then looked at me and said, “I just came from West Virginia but now I’m going back.” She got in her car and left. Three days later, she called me and said, “That day when I heard your story about your obedience to trust God to provide for you, I got what I needed. “FAITH” came back to me, and now I want you to get what you need. I paid your tuition to the bible college.”
The minute I hung up the phone, I looked at my husband and told him, “You better pray and pray hard because my tuition is paid!”
I have to confess that at that time, I thought I was more spiritual than my husband. I thought that because I didn’t see him praying or reading the bible as much as I did, that he had no relationship with God.
That night I was sleeping, I felt as if someone touched my leg and shook me to wake me up. I opened my eyes and heard the Lord saying, “Come to my presence. I need to give you instructions.” I went to my living room to pray and the first thing that God said to me was, “How can you tell everyone that I gave you that husband and you treat him like that?”
Immediately, I began to think of the disrespectful and dishonorable way that I had always treated my husband. I knew in my heart that I was wrong. I even felt bad at times to see him suffering because of my hurtful words and actions, but I didn’t know how to control my roller coaster emotions. I have to admit that for some reason, I enjoyed all the drama and the fights. Maybe I was pleasing my sinful desires, or maybe because that’s what I was used to all my life?
I was afraid to let go of my power. How could I give up my control? How could I live without being the head? I started to cry, my eyes were being opened. The darkness of a hurtful past that blinded my eyes and damaged my heart was lifted. I was honest to God about the feelings in my heart. It was hard to let it go. I never had anyone in authority over my life that I needed to respect and/or submit to. With all of that, I continued reading my bible and asking God for help and He said to me, "Your husband is the head. He is the leader of your home. He goes first. Before you go to the nations, you go home and be a mom and a wife. I put that tuition money in your hands as a seed for your marriage. Choose today, life or death. Chose life.”
It wasn't easy but I needed to chose life and I did. At that moment, I realized that God didn’t create me from the dust to be a head. He created me from the rib of a man (Adam), so I can be a helper. This was the reason why I was never happy. I was being disobedient to God by doing something contrary to His word. But my eyes were opened and I asked God and my husband for forgiveness. The next day, I called the bible college and asked them to move the tuition money from my account to my husband’s. That’s how he started bible college. Months later, I got pregnant with a little girl. Four months after she was born, I got pregnant again with a little boy (at that time, we thought that my husband couldn't have children as we tried for three years, without conceiving). I stayed home taking care of my family. After this decision to choose life in my marriage, everything turned around in an amazing way. Why? Because of my submission and obedience to God!!
*Meditate on this word today: Deuteronomy 30:19
This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.
I want to give you my secret. What brought me to this?
*My INTIMACY with God. I was desperate for change. How long can a woman live a miserable life? I needed Him to teach me His ways. By reading His scriptures, my mind was being renewed and my heart transformed.
Questions to answer for yourselves:
Am I being submissive to God by being submissive to my husband?
Am I praying and asking God to change ME?
In what ways am I prideful or have been prideful with my husband?
Am I a controlling person?
Am I created by God to be the head or a rip-helper for my husband?
Can God change my heart?
Am I believing for something in my marriage that God can't do or change?
What's impossible with God?
Am I having time alone with both God and with my husband?
What choice would I make if God was asking ME to chose life or death in my marriage TODAY?
TODAY’S SUBMISSION CHALLENGE
Spend INTIMATE time with God. Write down a list of things that you think you need your husband to forgive you for.