At the post abortion Bible Study mentioned in my previous blog, God delivered me in a supernatural way, though the process was not easy! The first thing we did as a group was share our personal stories about our abortion experiences. One lady who was originally from a different country told me that her mom brought her to have her first abortion and that the doctor didn't have any pain medication. Her mom grabbed her arms and a nurse held her legs while the doctor disassembled her unborn child inside of her womb. She ended her story by saying, “I did it 1...2...3...4...5 times”. This story impacted my life because I thought, 'how much can a woman take'? How much can we carry in our hearts?
I realized that this is a big problem hidden deep within the hearts of many women. Abortion does not only kill our children, and makes others rich, but it is killing and wounding women physically, emotionally and spiritually. I was convinced as studies show, that at least 1 out of 3 women have had an abortion and like my friend, not only 1, but 2, 3, 4, 5 or more.
In this Post-abortion bible study, we learned to let go and let God, to forgive others and the most important thing, to forgive ourselves. I know that this is not easy (I experienced it). But with God nothing is impossible. He healed my heart in a super natural way. Throughout the process, our teacher asked us to begin to pray and ask God to reveal the name of our child/children that we aborted. I was extremely against this because I didn't know if it was a boy or a girl. I thought I could pick a name that was for both genders. However, that wouldn't work for me because I'm the kind of person that if something doesn't sound right, I keep thinking and thinking until I know in my heart that I got it. I went home that day and began to pray. I asked God not only to help me find a name, but to let me know if the child was a girl or a boy. I know that it sounds funny, but I did it. God not only had a purpose for my child, but He had a name and I wanted to know what it was.
Five days went by and nothing happened. Then on a Thursday afternoon, I was bringing my four children to the library when one of my ears suddenly started to feel really hot, like a thunder I heard the Lord saying very loud, “Esmeralda”. I began to scream, “thank you Lord, thank you”. I realized in my heart that it was a girl. I went to the class that night and shared my testimony. I wasn't the only one as each lady had a unique story/experience. At the end of that class, the teacher asked me, “Glennys, what's Esmeralda's last name?” I thought she was really crossing the line this time. I didn't respond, but she looked at me and said, “ask God”. I left that class very disappointed. I knew that my teacher was after something. She would never play with something that serious. It confused me to the point that I almost got into an car accident.
I was about to go to sleep when I thought... “I got married to Shawn with my two older children but I really had three (including Esmeralda)”. I woke him up and with tears in my eyes, I asked him if he would be willing to adopt Esmeralda. His answer was, “Of course. I want her to be my daughter also”. I said out loud, “Esmeralda Hyland”. That moment I felt God do something deep inside of me.
The next morning, I decided to clean up my closet. I was sitting on the floor organizing my shoes when I asked the Lord to show me what Esmeralda means. Suddenly, I heard a noise and looked down. It was a ring that I lost a long time ago (the ring had a big green gem). I picked it up and I realized that is what the name “Esmeralda” meant - “Emerald”. I ran to the computer and I searched for the name. The first thing that came up on the screen was a picture of a big green gem. I began to weep! I knew that something supernatural was happening. I was on the floor crying my heart out, “oh God you are faithful”, when suddenly I heard a voice that said, “Esmeralda was lost FOR YOU. She was in the darkness FOR YOU, but like that ring, it was lost but now is found!!!” I want to share this story with the entire world.
This is my story, this is ESMERALDA'S story. She was lost in the heart of a woman that was rejected, ashamed, and lost. She was in the dark past in the bondage of pain, rejection, fear, self-denial, fear of people's opinions; all hid behind the veil of religion. But now I am free and Esmeralda is in the light of my reality and my future. She is a human. She is MY DAUGHTER and I will see her one day!!!