I was born in the city of Trujillo, in Honduras Central America. I was a confused and rebellious young woman, who only knew how to blame others, be in control, and manipulate to get my way.
I needed to grow up quickly. I had no time to be a little girl. Adult problems were stealing my childhood.
I found a release (like medicine) from my anger, bitterness, shame, unforgiveness, and pain in my heart, by going to parties and hanging out with the wrong people. Yet, it was only a temporary release for the moment.
I was afraid of being alone. Admittedly, I was my worst enemy. I was afraid of my own thoughts. When I was alone, I would cry with a desperate heart, trying to find anwsers for the pain that brought this horrifying fear into my heart.
At the age of 19, I was a single mom and pregnant. At one point of my life, I found myself in the streets of the most dangerous city in the country of Honduras.
I was desperately in need of love. My wrong decisions eventually led me to a place of suicide. I would resist these thoughts as I knew I had a daughter to care for.
The voices in my mind kept telling me that no one cared, that I shouldn't be alive, that I was better off dead. The more I allowed these voices to penetrate my mind, the more I ran to ungodliness and evil, as a way to escape.
Then one day, a woman who knew the voice of God knocked at the door of my house. She introduced me to Jesus!!
A month later, I had a dream about Jesus coming into my room. I experienced His forgiveness through the amazing love Christ offers. Another month passed when I was in a hospital carrying a stillborn baby (my son) in my womb. I was at my end. I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to finally take my life. Then that dream encouraged me to put my faith in JESUS. Right there, God brought my son back to life physically, and brought me back to life spiritually! It was the first "Big Miracle" that God did in my life.
What happened after the "Big miracle"?
I wish I could say that I served God and told every one about His goodness, but I didn't. Instead, I went back to live my sinful life again. I got involved in a relationship and I got pregnant once more. This time, I convinced myself that what was inside of my womb wasn't another baby. It was another problem. A problem that I needed to get rid of. I told the father of the baby about the pregnancy. He immediately brought me to an abortion clinic to get rid of our "Problem". What I didn't know is that after this abortion, the pain, shame and denial in my heart would grew bigger and bigger. The worse part of all of this, was that now I couldn't blame anybody. I knew better and I wasn't alone anymore. I knew that there was some one who cared, and I disappointed Him. Now I added the pain of "Condemnation" into my heart!!
When did my heart began to change?
My heart became very heavy. It was normal for me to disappoint people but now I disappointed JESUS. He showed me His resurrection power by bringing my dead son back to life, right in front of my own eyes. Yet, I continued living my life trying to please my sinful desires.
After the abortion, my heart was broken. This time I was desperate for the truth. For some reason, I didn't want to die. I wanted to live, but I didn't know how.
I was in my mother's house, alone in a room, crying tears that said, "I'm done living on my own. I'm done trying to do my own choices. I'm done allowing men to use me."
God, I am a vessel, a broken vessel, dirty, and used. If you can still do something, please break me and put me together again, wash me, and paint me with a paint that can't never be erased. Glue me together with the glue of your love, that nothing could brake me again!!
That was my true "REPENTANCE". I admited that I was a sinner and that I needed a SAVIOR. I could never live life on my own!!